Conserve

Conserve is the root word for things such as conservation or conservative. While these words may seem at odds, I have a boss who claims that he is a true conservative because he is worried about conserving resources. He is a former Republican turned Democrat.

I find that the more I get into respecting my fellow earth dwellers, human, animal, plant and spirit alike the more I find a need to conserve. I've been trying to over write that which society has etched into my brain. That my wants are needs. I do not need a huge house, or designer clothes or an iphone. What I need is a pure earth, clean air and water and unmodified food. I need to live in a rhythm with the world around me. We have first world problems, but if we are not careful all living things on this earth will have the same major problems that have been caused by the first world. In our frenzy as a species to bend the world to our will, we have begun to destroy it.

I have been very mindful of my role in conservation. I recycle, buy used, and I re-home my unwanted possessions where possible. I compost and garden and forage for food. I get shelter pets, try not to drive more than I need to. I'm cold in the  winter and hot in the summer. Recently, I began planning a recycling system at my work place that hopefully others will use and maybe, just maybe it will conserve resources.I truly believe that change starts at home or as Ghandi more eloquently put it:

If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. ... We need not wait to see what others do.

Or Be the change you wish to see in the world. 

Celiac Disease

If you look through my cupboards you will find no bread, nor flour, nor pasta. I found out over a year ago that I can not eat gluten. I was on an anti-inflammatory diet and when I tried to cheat we discovered the problem. I even went to a doctor, but my insurance was terrible and I couldn't afford the cool grand it was going to cost to find out more. The doctor told me they are pretty sure I have Celiac Disease. It has affected and changed my spirituality in ways I never imagined it would. Certainly I can have no cakes nor ale (unless they are specially made), both are poison to my intestines. As you may have read in my post on Ancestors, I am predominantly of  Italian  heritage and honor my forebears via food. So the traditional Pasta and bread are out. My kitchen witchery was impeded as well as the recipes I knew and loved were out. My skill at cooking and baking are such a part of who I am so it was a scary time. So being resilient, I re-learned to cook and bake. I discovered the different types of gluten free flours and their properties. I understand the chemistry of baking more now than I ever did before. I became more aware of what I was eating and where it was coming from. I learned about different types of plants, I remember the boyfriend asking "what is a sorghum and where does it come from?" For the record it is a type of grain.

I don't really want to get into how woeful it is to have to exclude gluten, but, it sucks. I want a doughnut in the worst way but haven't been able to find a gluten free one I like. The worst part are the reactions I receive from my family. Almost every member of my family has been snide about it. I finally blew up over the holidays. Seriously, no one wishes more than me that I could just eat what everyone else is having. The food anxiety, I hate being anxious when I go somewhere to eat. On the upside my friends have been very understanding, cooking gluten free things for parties, understanding my anxiety over eating out (and calming me down when I get too worked up). Their positive influence has even allowed my family to get better, my dad who once asked angrily at a restaurant "can't they just fix you?" to sending my salad back when it came out with fries (mostly a cross contamination risk, though some contain flour) on it.

I have found that overall the pagan community (maybe that's why my friends have been so great about it) is very accepting of dietary difference. Last pagan pride day I was able to purchase a gluten free vegan pumpkin loaf. I nearly cried!  I had brought a bag of food with me because I didn't think there would be anything for me to eat. At our  local witches ball the gluten was kept separate from all the food. I have learned  that pagan events are some of the few places where I can eat.

I think Celiac Disease not only made me more mindful, it made me more grateful.

Finally, please check out the blog of one of my favorite "goddesses" - The Gluten Free Goddess, she has been a lifesaver this past year...like a mentor whom I have never met, but hold in high esteem nonetheless. Or try some delicious gluten free banana nut bread and prose compliments of the goddess (she really does say it better than I ever will). 

Belly Dance

Maybe this is fitting because my last post was about Bast, and yes sometimes I dance to honor Bast. But no, it isn't necessarily Pagan, though I know several Belly Dancers who are Pagan so perhaps there is something there. Belly dance is based on middle eastern tribal dance. If you Google belly dance a lot of different historical facts come up. I'm not particularly concerned with these. Some of them are interesting but nothing that screams worship. So how does belly dance fit into my worldview and spiritual practice?

I think that physical health is very important and belly dancing helps keep me in shape. I also think mental health is important. I danced ballet for seven years as a child. I gave it up when I realized I would never be a professional or even semi-pro. It stopped being fun when I stopped progressing but up until then I loved it. It gives me great joy to dance and it helps me connect with my inner child. I remember a phone call with my dad a month or so into classes. He asked me if I was going to be a belly dance star. I said "No..I'm not particularly good...actually I'm terrible, but I'm having fun." He laughed at my honesty but I started doing it to have fun and that is still my main concern, even though I do occasionally preform.

Within belly dance there is an association with fertility, something that is super important to me. Belly Dancing  has been used in different times and places as a woman's dance for fertility and for easier child birth...and the trend continues. Some doulas and natural child birth experts recommend belly dance as a preparation for childbirth. Traditionally belly dance was a type of dance done by women for women.

Several years ago I found out about an all day belly dance workshop and I wanted to go, but my ex husband said it was a stupid idea. Once we separated I thought taking belly dance class would be a great way to stick it to "the man". It turned out that it wasn't but it helped me reclaim myself, some part of me that I had lost in my marriage. At its best belly dance will help you feel empowered and comfortable in your own skin. Once I found myself again I never looked back. I've gotten myself involved in all sorts of things I would have been too afraid to try before. Belly dancing is a gateway to all sorts of self empowerment.


In my life anything of importance has a spiritual connection. If i didn't dance I don't know if I would have dared to do the things that make me, me. It truly brought me back from the depths greater than I had been before.

Bast

Bast came calling to me in an odd but somewhat predictable way. Back in the late fall of 2008 my now ex husband kept seeing a small black cat on the porch. After two weeks I thought he was making the whole thing up until I came home from work at 1 am (I worked the night shift) on the night of the first snow a little black cat followed me into the house. I promptly called for my ex to get out of bed, come downstairs and unceremoniously throw "his friend" out. Over the next few weeks the little black cat became my friend. She kept leaving me presents on the porch and she came when I called for her. After some deliberation, a search for her former owners and a trip to the vet, and begging on my part, I finally brought her into my home. I noticed that this little cat whom I called Thorne really liked hanging around while I did ritual and she really thought my altar was the place to hang out. I should have known then there was maybe a reason that a black cat would choose the only witch in town as her new "owner" (lets be for real here...she owns me and she knows it!).

My marriage fell a part and we discovered that I have severe endometriosis. These two things are pretty bad news when all I really wanted was to have a baby. Some people have lofty career goals, I just want to be someone's mom. It was really then, in honor of my cat that I started working with the Egyptian goddess Bast.

I'm sure someone who is ascribes to Kemeticism, or even an Egyptologist could tell you more about Bast and her history that I could. I only know what I have learned through my own research and through what my working relationship with her has been.

Bast originally (maybe 5 millenia ago) had the head of a lion and was much more fierce. Over time she came to have the head of a desert or domestic cat and became more soft. This is perhaps more due to goddesses melding. In Lower Egypt she was associated with the delta and fertility. That association at least is somewhat understandable. These things are often lesser known qualities of Bast, these are her qualities that  speak to me the most. I find Bast in her own extremes.

I have worked with Bast for about five years, in the laid back way I pay tribute to deity. I light a candle in her honor, sometimes I burn incense, mostly though, I take care of my own cat. All cats are sacred to Bast. Perhaps Bast has returned the favor. My fears over my own doomed fertility are eased. Thorne and I (and her doggy brother Tank) have started over. I am in a serious committed relationship and found out that my endometriosis did not cause me to be infertile as far as anyone can tell.

Ancestors

In the past year or so I have really gotten into paying attention to and honoring both my ancestors and my heritage. It wasn't that I didn't care about my ancestors before, I had a bit of a problem with the semantics of it all. I think my problem was that I was too hung up on the the idea of ancestor worship. I found it odd and uncomfortable to worship my ancestors but I have found that I am perfectly fine honoring them. Part of the problem too is that I believe mostly in reincarnation,sure you might go to some place of resting between lives bu who knows how long some of my ancestors stuck around the afterlife before going on to the next? Its kind of like when you are talking to someone and they get distracted and walk into the next room mid conversation. I'm not sure when or why but something within me called me to pay more attention to those who came before me. Perhaps it was my ancestors themselves, or maybe it fulfills a need within me. I don't really know.

When honoring my ancestors I actually honor my ancestral heritage. Like most Americans my family is a family of immigrants. My people came primarily from Italy, but also from Poland, Germany, France and Russia. I also have adoptive Mexican ancestors who I count the same. Their cultural impact has been the same on me as anyone else's.

I only know the names of individuals in my family back to my great grandparents generation and there it starts getting fuzzy. I honor those that I know, for the rest a shared heritage will have to do. In honoring my ancestors I find that I honor a piece of myself and where I came from. In following certain traditions I even honor my still living family members.

Along with my own ancestors I honor the people I know who have passed but aren't blood relatives and those of my own generation, my little brother who died in infancy for example, or those who came after me, such as my own unborn children. I also choose to honor the ancestors and heritage of my boyfriend.

As a kitchen witch I find that through the food I cook I can honor my ancestors. I cook those old family recipes and feel connected to my great grandmother who did it decades before me. I know that in that moment my ancestor has transcended time and is reaching out through me. I try to keep the way I honor my ancestors as a daily part of my life.

I suppose I shouldn't be so surprised that my ancestors have become such a part of my life.  I am after all the girl who spoke to her dead baby brother as a child. In my childhood innocence I believed that his soul was out there somewhere and he could hear me. Part of me still thinks he can.