Prophets Behaving Poorly

Today would have been John Lennon's 73rd birthday had he lived. In reality, John Lennon was alive for only 40 years and soon we will have been without him as long as we were with him. I notice the large number of people honoring this day and honoring the man. Many of his fans consider him akin to Jesus, a modern day Messiah. Certainly, John Lennon wrote (or co-wrote) a lot of brilliant tunes. Many of his songs were about peace and love, he had a lot of ideas, but behind those ideas was a man who by all accounts was a  jerk. You know who else was a jerk? Ghandi.

It is almost like being a jerk who does amazing things is something our culture reveres. This archetype has even made it into fiction. In the Harry Potter  series Albus Dumbledore, Severus Snape and The Marauders (James Potter, Sirius Black and to a lesser extent Remus Lupin) all do really, jerktastic things, but are still considered heroes and in fact are some of the most beloved characters of the series! Our fiction may also provide us with the answer to this madness. Sure Harry finds out that his dad and friends were arrogant bullying jerks and that Dumbledore helped the second greatest dark lord of all time until it caused the death of his sister, but he realizes that we are not only the bad things that we do. Conversely, Harry always knew that Snape was a jerk, but didn't know until the end that Snape had such a capacity to love that it changed his life. All of these jerks in the Harry Potter series were on the side of good, and all of them died to bring down Voldemort. It is a major plot point that Harry realizes that he must accept that Dumbledore did some bad things, but that he must still trust the path Dumbledore has set him on, to trust in Dumbledore.

We as a culture are like Wizard Britain. We must look at our "heroes" and accept that they were humans. Some people may not be able to forgive that John Lennon was a bad father to his first son, a bad husband, a woman beater and a cheater. I don't think those behaviors are acceptable in any way, but he wrote songs about peace and love, songs that are quoted to this day! I can't ignore the strides he made (and the path his music has forged) to make the world a more loving and peaceful place. Perhaps his writing was his way of trying to make amends for the terrible things he had done.

I myself want peace and love. I stand for it, I would probably die for it, but that doesn't stop me from being downright scary when I get angry. It also doesn't help that I am quick to anger. I see the problems in myself and recognize the problems in the world. I try my best to fix them both, but I am but a human. So was John Lennon. Happy Birthday John Lennon, may you be at peace, wherever you are, and may the good you have done for so many, outshine, but never erase, the horrible things you did to a few. 

Italian Snake Festival

The Festa di San Domenico Abate (or in English - The Feast of St. Domenic the Abbot) is the "Italian Snake Festival" It is a festival that begins Mid March and culminates the first Thursday in May in the village of Cocullo Italy.

Like many Christian festivals it has pre-Christian roots. What is unique about this festival is that the saint or deity being honored has changed 3 times. It was a festival to worship Apollo, at another time it was to worship the goddess Antgitia before becoming the feast of a Christian Saint.

I feel that this festival is relevant to me because the small town where it takes place is located in the Abruzzo region of Italy and is about an hour and a half drive from the two small towns in Italy where half of my family line originated.

It may be that some of my not so recent ancestors (or even more recent ones, who knows?) visited this festival, maybe under one of the prior incarnations where it was in honor of Apollo or Angitia.

It is a festival that I might call Beltane with sauce and meatballs. It speaks of fertility. One of the customs for the festival is to bless soil and then take it out and sprinkle it on the fields. The soil should act as a protector of the crops.

I can't celebrate the festival in Cocullo, but I can bring elements of it into my own seasonal celebrations. This year I plan to incorporate the symbol of the snake and some of the soil fertility elements into my Beltane ritual. 

 

I also plan on honoring Angitia.

The cakes I will make will be Ciambelli, or at least the not-so-traditional Gluten free version I will have to rig up.

Handparting

In 2008 I was married through a self written Handfasting.It was a beautiful but simple ceremony, but this isn't about handfasting, this is about handparting. While my wedding was awesome I don't feel qualified to give advice on handfasting, after all how much meaning did any of it actually hold since it didn't work out? My marriage didn't last long, only a year and a half. In time I learned not to regret the marriage itself, but to view it as a learning experience.  Which was a difficult thing in and of itself.

While through the preparations for out marriage, we were great at writing our handfasting, what we never did once things fell apart was a formal handparting. My ex stopped seeing the world through a pagan world view and found he was really more of an atheist, so a handparting was unnecessary to him. I however, even after months of living without him, still felt the bond pulling me to him. I was nearly ready to move on but part of my heart still belonged to him. It was like having a wound where the scab kept being pulled off, never able to heal and always seeping a bit. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life. So, knowing that an official handparting was out of the question, I made my own ritual.

I took a pouch, (mine was made of red velvet but that was what I had lying around)

I placed my wedding and engagement rings in it.

I placed pennies from my birth year and my ex's birth year and a dime with the year we were married in it.

I carried the pouch with me everywhere for a little over two weeks. That was when I felt I was ready to let it go, individual responses may vary.

Every time I felt any emotion related to my marriage and its failure, I gave it to the coins in the pouch.

When I felt ready to let go, I placed the pouch on my altar and lit a white candle. I let the candle burn out with the pouch in front. My intention was for all the feelings I had to be dissolved and set free. To free me from the bond that kept me tied to my ex

 

After the candle was burned out I took the coins to a place that was special to us, in this case a park, where we went with a group one of the first nights we met, where we ended up on our first date, where we first kissed, where he proposed. I offered the coins to that place. I thanked the gods for allowing me to know love, however brief and fleeting. I took the rings home and placed them in storage. Where they still sit. I'm not sure what to do with them so there they sit.

After this one person handparting I was ready to sign divorce papers and move on with my life. I have moved on to be someone my marriage would never have allowed me to be.

Deity

There are as many approaches to the divine as there are people. Even adherents of the same religion or religious grouping view the divine differently. Is there one god, many gods, one god with many faces, one god with many separate faces that are indeed gods themselves, no god, or just "the force" ? There is no right or wrong answer. Science can not prove nor disprove the existence of the divine. There are people on all sides who so firmly believe that what they think is fact. I think almost every Pagan will claim to know a Christian who touts their belief as fact, but Christian's aren't the only ones. I know atheists who so adamantly believe that there is no god they won't even entertain the idea that they might be wrong. Who group all religion as one bad thing. In fact those fundamental atheists actually do have faith, they resolutely believe that there is  no divine entity. So what about the Pagans? There are fundie pagans too. Pagans who believe that their way is the only way. I wonder why as a species there are so many among our number who feel the way, regardless of what they believe, that their beliefs, unproven beliefs, are fact?

My view of the divine is ever changing. I believe what I feel and know that depending upon my personal experiences, my beliefs can change. There is no way of knowing what is out there, or not and the only people who might know are in no shape to tell us. To me the divine is some thing "out there" and within. All parts of the same. I also hold that there are many paths. I worship the faces of god that resonate with me. They are as unique in personality as any of my friends, but I understand that they, like my friends are part of something more. I know for sure this is what I feel to be true right now, but I could be woefully wrong and I accept that. I do not feel that anyone's path or experience or belief should be discounted as long as it isn't hurting anyone. I do that which enriches my life.

Perhaps because of my view of deity, I have trouble relating to them, or spending a lot of time on worship. I feel that how I live, how I treat others says a lot more towards worshiping the great over all divine than does pouring libation for one face of the divine. I do spend some time in worship, as I spend time with individual people. My relationships with the gods are like those I have with people. I have had different gods that I spent more time with in my younger days but as many relationships go, we have since grown apart. I have long ongoing relationships with deity that are more akin to a familial relationship.

Some may look at my view and relationship of the divine as informal (it is), or disrespectful (I assure you it isn't). I just see it as life and how I experience it. My experience is valid.

Conserve

Conserve is the root word for things such as conservation or conservative. While these words may seem at odds, I have a boss who claims that he is a true conservative because he is worried about conserving resources. He is a former Republican turned Democrat.

I find that the more I get into respecting my fellow earth dwellers, human, animal, plant and spirit alike the more I find a need to conserve. I've been trying to over write that which society has etched into my brain. That my wants are needs. I do not need a huge house, or designer clothes or an iphone. What I need is a pure earth, clean air and water and unmodified food. I need to live in a rhythm with the world around me. We have first world problems, but if we are not careful all living things on this earth will have the same major problems that have been caused by the first world. In our frenzy as a species to bend the world to our will, we have begun to destroy it.

I have been very mindful of my role in conservation. I recycle, buy used, and I re-home my unwanted possessions where possible. I compost and garden and forage for food. I get shelter pets, try not to drive more than I need to. I'm cold in the  winter and hot in the summer. Recently, I began planning a recycling system at my work place that hopefully others will use and maybe, just maybe it will conserve resources.I truly believe that change starts at home or as Ghandi more eloquently put it:

If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. ... We need not wait to see what others do.

Or Be the change you wish to see in the world. 

Celiac Disease

If you look through my cupboards you will find no bread, nor flour, nor pasta. I found out over a year ago that I can not eat gluten. I was on an anti-inflammatory diet and when I tried to cheat we discovered the problem. I even went to a doctor, but my insurance was terrible and I couldn't afford the cool grand it was going to cost to find out more. The doctor told me they are pretty sure I have Celiac Disease. It has affected and changed my spirituality in ways I never imagined it would. Certainly I can have no cakes nor ale (unless they are specially made), both are poison to my intestines. As you may have read in my post on Ancestors, I am predominantly of  Italian  heritage and honor my forebears via food. So the traditional Pasta and bread are out. My kitchen witchery was impeded as well as the recipes I knew and loved were out. My skill at cooking and baking are such a part of who I am so it was a scary time. So being resilient, I re-learned to cook and bake. I discovered the different types of gluten free flours and their properties. I understand the chemistry of baking more now than I ever did before. I became more aware of what I was eating and where it was coming from. I learned about different types of plants, I remember the boyfriend asking "what is a sorghum and where does it come from?" For the record it is a type of grain.

I don't really want to get into how woeful it is to have to exclude gluten, but, it sucks. I want a doughnut in the worst way but haven't been able to find a gluten free one I like. The worst part are the reactions I receive from my family. Almost every member of my family has been snide about it. I finally blew up over the holidays. Seriously, no one wishes more than me that I could just eat what everyone else is having. The food anxiety, I hate being anxious when I go somewhere to eat. On the upside my friends have been very understanding, cooking gluten free things for parties, understanding my anxiety over eating out (and calming me down when I get too worked up). Their positive influence has even allowed my family to get better, my dad who once asked angrily at a restaurant "can't they just fix you?" to sending my salad back when it came out with fries (mostly a cross contamination risk, though some contain flour) on it.

I have found that overall the pagan community (maybe that's why my friends have been so great about it) is very accepting of dietary difference. Last pagan pride day I was able to purchase a gluten free vegan pumpkin loaf. I nearly cried!  I had brought a bag of food with me because I didn't think there would be anything for me to eat. At our  local witches ball the gluten was kept separate from all the food. I have learned  that pagan events are some of the few places where I can eat.

I think Celiac Disease not only made me more mindful, it made me more grateful.

Finally, please check out the blog of one of my favorite "goddesses" - The Gluten Free Goddess, she has been a lifesaver this past year...like a mentor whom I have never met, but hold in high esteem nonetheless. Or try some delicious gluten free banana nut bread and prose compliments of the goddess (she really does say it better than I ever will). 

Belly Dance

Maybe this is fitting because my last post was about Bast, and yes sometimes I dance to honor Bast. But no, it isn't necessarily Pagan, though I know several Belly Dancers who are Pagan so perhaps there is something there. Belly dance is based on middle eastern tribal dance. If you Google belly dance a lot of different historical facts come up. I'm not particularly concerned with these. Some of them are interesting but nothing that screams worship. So how does belly dance fit into my worldview and spiritual practice?

I think that physical health is very important and belly dancing helps keep me in shape. I also think mental health is important. I danced ballet for seven years as a child. I gave it up when I realized I would never be a professional or even semi-pro. It stopped being fun when I stopped progressing but up until then I loved it. It gives me great joy to dance and it helps me connect with my inner child. I remember a phone call with my dad a month or so into classes. He asked me if I was going to be a belly dance star. I said "No..I'm not particularly good...actually I'm terrible, but I'm having fun." He laughed at my honesty but I started doing it to have fun and that is still my main concern, even though I do occasionally preform.

Within belly dance there is an association with fertility, something that is super important to me. Belly Dancing  has been used in different times and places as a woman's dance for fertility and for easier child birth...and the trend continues. Some doulas and natural child birth experts recommend belly dance as a preparation for childbirth. Traditionally belly dance was a type of dance done by women for women.

Several years ago I found out about an all day belly dance workshop and I wanted to go, but my ex husband said it was a stupid idea. Once we separated I thought taking belly dance class would be a great way to stick it to "the man". It turned out that it wasn't but it helped me reclaim myself, some part of me that I had lost in my marriage. At its best belly dance will help you feel empowered and comfortable in your own skin. Once I found myself again I never looked back. I've gotten myself involved in all sorts of things I would have been too afraid to try before. Belly dancing is a gateway to all sorts of self empowerment.


In my life anything of importance has a spiritual connection. If i didn't dance I don't know if I would have dared to do the things that make me, me. It truly brought me back from the depths greater than I had been before.

Bast

Bast came calling to me in an odd but somewhat predictable way. Back in the late fall of 2008 my now ex husband kept seeing a small black cat on the porch. After two weeks I thought he was making the whole thing up until I came home from work at 1 am (I worked the night shift) on the night of the first snow a little black cat followed me into the house. I promptly called for my ex to get out of bed, come downstairs and unceremoniously throw "his friend" out. Over the next few weeks the little black cat became my friend. She kept leaving me presents on the porch and she came when I called for her. After some deliberation, a search for her former owners and a trip to the vet, and begging on my part, I finally brought her into my home. I noticed that this little cat whom I called Thorne really liked hanging around while I did ritual and she really thought my altar was the place to hang out. I should have known then there was maybe a reason that a black cat would choose the only witch in town as her new "owner" (lets be for real here...she owns me and she knows it!).

My marriage fell a part and we discovered that I have severe endometriosis. These two things are pretty bad news when all I really wanted was to have a baby. Some people have lofty career goals, I just want to be someone's mom. It was really then, in honor of my cat that I started working with the Egyptian goddess Bast.

I'm sure someone who is ascribes to Kemeticism, or even an Egyptologist could tell you more about Bast and her history that I could. I only know what I have learned through my own research and through what my working relationship with her has been.

Bast originally (maybe 5 millenia ago) had the head of a lion and was much more fierce. Over time she came to have the head of a desert or domestic cat and became more soft. This is perhaps more due to goddesses melding. In Lower Egypt she was associated with the delta and fertility. That association at least is somewhat understandable. These things are often lesser known qualities of Bast, these are her qualities that  speak to me the most. I find Bast in her own extremes.

I have worked with Bast for about five years, in the laid back way I pay tribute to deity. I light a candle in her honor, sometimes I burn incense, mostly though, I take care of my own cat. All cats are sacred to Bast. Perhaps Bast has returned the favor. My fears over my own doomed fertility are eased. Thorne and I (and her doggy brother Tank) have started over. I am in a serious committed relationship and found out that my endometriosis did not cause me to be infertile as far as anyone can tell.

Ancestors

In the past year or so I have really gotten into paying attention to and honoring both my ancestors and my heritage. It wasn't that I didn't care about my ancestors before, I had a bit of a problem with the semantics of it all. I think my problem was that I was too hung up on the the idea of ancestor worship. I found it odd and uncomfortable to worship my ancestors but I have found that I am perfectly fine honoring them. Part of the problem too is that I believe mostly in reincarnation,sure you might go to some place of resting between lives bu who knows how long some of my ancestors stuck around the afterlife before going on to the next? Its kind of like when you are talking to someone and they get distracted and walk into the next room mid conversation. I'm not sure when or why but something within me called me to pay more attention to those who came before me. Perhaps it was my ancestors themselves, or maybe it fulfills a need within me. I don't really know.

When honoring my ancestors I actually honor my ancestral heritage. Like most Americans my family is a family of immigrants. My people came primarily from Italy, but also from Poland, Germany, France and Russia. I also have adoptive Mexican ancestors who I count the same. Their cultural impact has been the same on me as anyone else's.

I only know the names of individuals in my family back to my great grandparents generation and there it starts getting fuzzy. I honor those that I know, for the rest a shared heritage will have to do. In honoring my ancestors I find that I honor a piece of myself and where I came from. In following certain traditions I even honor my still living family members.

Along with my own ancestors I honor the people I know who have passed but aren't blood relatives and those of my own generation, my little brother who died in infancy for example, or those who came after me, such as my own unborn children. I also choose to honor the ancestors and heritage of my boyfriend.

As a kitchen witch I find that through the food I cook I can honor my ancestors. I cook those old family recipes and feel connected to my great grandmother who did it decades before me. I know that in that moment my ancestor has transcended time and is reaching out through me. I try to keep the way I honor my ancestors as a daily part of my life.

I suppose I shouldn't be so surprised that my ancestors have become such a part of my life.  I am after all the girl who spoke to her dead baby brother as a child. In my childhood innocence I believed that his soul was out there somewhere and he could hear me. Part of me still thinks he can.

Atargatis

I used to frequently dream about a woman. The mother I wish I had (no offense to my own mom), the woman I wanted to grow to be, the friend I needed right then and there. The dreams were similar but never the same. The woman would be there in some sort of natural setting sometimes loosely robed or nude, long wavy brown hair flowing other times she had a fin instead of legs but with the same hair and face as always. Whatever her physical form there was always something otherworldly about her. In my dreams she emanated a sort of glow and the border of her and her surroundings was usually blurred. I remember dreaming her as young as six. My Catholic upbringing had me attributing her to the virgin Mary...until she sprouted fins that is. I dreamed her for years, always taking comfort in the goddess who somewhat resembled me who had been there my entire life but I didn't yet know who she was. I spent years searching for a goddess that fit the description and it wasn't until I was in my mid twenties before I came across the mention of the Syrian goddess Atargatis.

Atargatis to my knowledge is not a widely known goddess. She is a Syrian goddess of fertility and protection. She is often associated with Doves (for love) and Fish (for fertility) though she is sometimes also shown with lions (protection). There were many ancient cities which she was said to protect and she was often shown with a male consort. Although she was versatile and highly revered among the ancient Syrians few today know her, or perhaps we all know her. Atargatis is a well traveled godess. As people in the ancient world came to Syria they took home with them Atargatis or at the very least thought of her as being the same as one or more of their own goddesses. By the Greek she was said to be Aphrodite or even Hera, Artemis or Rhea. In Rome she was called the Syrian Goddess but was considered similar to Venus. She was also compared to Isis in Egypt though I can also see a bit of an overlap with Bast in function if not in form. She has a rich history and in ancient Syria she was highly popular with many temples and cult centers.

Today she is overshadowed by her Greek, Roman and Egyptian sisters despite having similar characteristics and having the kick ass quality of being a sometimes mermaid. In fact, if she would not have chosen me many years ago I doubt I would know who she is.

She is a very versatile goddess, being a fierce protector, a goddess of fertility and in my experience a goddess of beauty. She is also associated with both water and earth. I for one find her easy to work with because I can see myself in her. She isn't very demanding and in fact didn't mind that for so many years I did not know her name. I simply called her my no name goddess. She is a great nurturer. I have learned many things through the dreams in which she was a vital part, but I always learned things exactly when I needed to know them, never beforehand.

I pay tribute to and worship Atargatis because I want to. She doesn't require this of me and I feel as though she treats me the same whether I do or not. I usually use a dagger with a mermaid on it as a representation of her. The dagger was given to me by a friend who knew I liked mermaids and thought the one on the dagger looked a little like me. It somehow seemed to fit its current use so I just went with it.  I have her on my shelf. I often lay before her seashells, river or ocean rocks, sea glass or feathers. Sometimes I even give her flowers for a few days. When the mood strikes I light a tea light in front of her. I talk to her. I know that inside everyone is something divine and I feel that which is in her in me. I also sometimes feel it in the words and actions of other people.

I don't necessarily work with her as mush as I live my life and she is a part of it. She is not a jealous goddess and I have worked with other deities, some of whom I will discuss in the coming weeks, she is the easiest one for me personally to work with.